• July 19, 2024

The Wrestling Episode: ’Mama’s Family’ Wins The Tag Team Championship

Who Else Is In The Tri-State Wrestling Finals?

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The Queen Bees’ opponents in the finals are the Masked Mabels, portrayed by Dee Booher (pulling double duty because Tri-State Wrestling only has two actual wrestlers and fills out the rest of the card with well-meaning strangers) and her G.L.O.W. rival Emily Dole, aka the legendary Mountain Fiji.

Everything’s going to plan and nobody seems to care that Honey Bee subbed in a person they’ve never seen for a tournament finals, but the Mabels make the mistake of getting into a heckle war with Mama. Mama hits them with a barrage of weight jokes, including, “I’d wear a mask too if I had thighs as big as yours,” and a crack about how she needs to go back to the old folks home brings her into the ring. At this point, the Mabels break character to shoot on Mama, holding her in a guillotine choke and kicking her between the shoulder blades until security can drag her off to jail.

Wait, sorry, I meant to type, “Mama continues trading insults with the Mabels until one of them pisses her off and she tries to attack them with a bucket.”

Tries?

Yeah, but she accidentally bashes Honey Bee in the head with it, knocking her out cold.

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Look at that sell. You sure Honey Bee wasn’t played by Steve ‘Mongo’ McMichael?

Mama Has To Wrestle Now, Doesn’t She.

You know the rules. If a pro wrestler can’t perform, you just dress up some fans as wrestlers and have them do it. Nobody will notice!

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Mama returns moments later as the “new Queen Bee,” thanks to an assist from Iola’s travel sewing kit and a “large black tarp” they found in the back. The crowd is so into what I assume they think is a very creative angle that they’re getting autographs from Mama and press is trying to interview her during her entrance. I wonder if Vince McMahon ever watches this episode of Mama’s Family and is like, “goddammit, pal, why don’t crowds just go along with the show like they used to in RAYTOWN.”

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Now that the roles have been reversed, Mama becomes the Naomi and Naomi becomes the Honey Bee. She learns quickly that her only offensive move is “running away,” so she tags in what’s supposed to be her SUPER non-wrestling grandma partner. Naomi’s in there like, “I’m not taking a bump, I’ll let this very old woman get the shit beaten out of her instead.”

She forgot one thing, though.

What’s That?

Thelma Harper is OP.

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Maybe the Masked Mabels knew all along they were supposed to do the job to the Bees and didn’t want to go into business for themselves, but Mama straight up kicks their asses. Here she is throwing a stiff kick to the thigh to ground a Mabel before going to work.

Actually, I don’t think the Mabels knew what was going on. I think somehow both original Mabels got injured off-screen in an unrelated episode of ALF or whatever and these are just two random ladies who’ve never been kicked before. Mama’s worked herself into a shoot and doesn’t know her own strength.

Pretty soon Thelma wins the match by Irish whipping one Mabel into the other, grounding them both, and hitting her finish:

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I tell you, those 15 Tri-State Wrestling fans in attendance at the Ray Arena that night will never forget the time the promotion put two confused older women over their top tag team.

So Thelma And Naomi Are The Tag Team Champions?

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They are, and it’s never addressed again.

The episode ends just like the Family Matters version, with the winners at home soaking their feet. They make some final fat jokes about the Mabels behind their backs, and that’s the episode. Did Mama put her local promotion out of business?

So, What Have We Learned?

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